3 Preventative Tips for the Dreaded Home-Office Merger
Umm Professional blogs
We may be a new breed of women altogether. The first generation of women born into such comfort, and equipped to pour our talents and resources into society. We have our touch phones, tele-conferencing, webinars and may practice marine biology or environmental law. We have the choice to stay home and raise good strong stock for our ummah, and we have the support to work and in diverse fields as role models for our children. It’s an intriguingly complicated process that every professional Muslim needs to balance in order to sustain optimum contentment. As much as our niyaah is to juggle everything meticulously – there are days (many days) when the office will ask you to pitch in more, your husband will need you to do some of his chores, the kids will meet a child with a bad attitude at school but not be able to verbalize it.
Life is all about tackling the challenges, but they have a sneaky way of catching dedicated professionals off guard. Below are a few strategies that helped me keep things working well:
- A well planned routine makes children feel at ease. They feel more comfortable when some things are predictable, dependable and easy to achieve. Busy mothers can rely on a lot more cooperation from little helpers if the child is clued in as to what the mother needs. Our typical routine? School pick-up, snack break in the car, play at the park/library meeting with a friend, home. Once home, downtime with a toy /book, sit down to complete homework and attend the online Quran class, a warm bubbly bath, dinner, a snuggly story time and finally time to drift off to a dreamy state of sleep. There were days, even though I felt the fatigue in my muscles, the thought of which story we would read that evening and what discussion, giggles, cuddles and cuteness would follow, would put the spring back in my step. Office calls would have to wait post 9pm when my kid is fast asleep.
- Mention obligations and duties that you have towards your home and family at the office from day one. I’ve had a number of friends tell me how well that has worked for them. The office is prepared by advance knowledge that you may need time off, they may keep in mind other people who can pick up your missed hours, and they know they can rely on you to be there for them when these obligations have been met. Very often your boss or team leader will have similar responsibilities at home and be understanding as long as you are clear as to what it is. An unwell mother, a child with short school hours, or a spouse who cannot pick up the child from school. No one likes being caught at the tenth hour with a work load that you cannot complete. Factor in all these points right at the beginning for harmony at the office place that spills into the home too.
- Invest in great childcare. This is one of those times when penny pinching can cause sores. If you want to perform well at work, you need to know that a capable, responsible, creative and sincere person is taking care of the most precious people in your life. Take your time to interview baby sitters, check out playgrounds, and suss out teachers. There is nothing worse than having to coax your child to go to school every morning while you hurry to make it to work. If you have grandparents who vibe well with your kids, you are blessed. Remember to thank them often and not to overload them with more than car pooling, story telling and cuddles. Keep in mind their age and stamina.
Have you found anything that helped you strike that critical balance of home and work? Share here with other dedicated mothers who read our blog and spread your balancing techniques.
Akeela said,
October 12, 2009 @ 6:05 pm
I completely agree with the routine part of it…….nothing works better than a routine. I often have peope ask me how I managed to get my 8 yr old to memorise so many surahs. Firstly and most importantly it is by Allah’s will and then among other things I would also put down the fact that I had…and still do kept a fixed time of 15 mnts after dinner just for this purpose. It is part of our routine.
But I do beg to differ on one count. I for one beleive that motherhood is a full time career in itself. The only issue here is…we dont get paid for it …in this world in the monetary way. So I fully understand if a mother has to leave and go out to work to make ends meet….but anything other than that should not take presedence over beng there for your child…especially when he/she is back from school. Sure… you can work part time or any time for that matter as along as your child is in regular school. But in my humble opinion, even the best baby sitter or day care can never substitute for a loving smile and hug…or just a salaam from a mom to her offspring!!
Nadya said,
October 12, 2009 @ 8:16 pm
I have a friend who had to work and interviewed Arabic speaking baby sitters to baby sit her children while she was gone for the day. Not an Arabic speaker herself, she chose to expose her babies early to the language and till today, she says her older kids (who were exposed to Arabic) have a better grasp of the language!
…..Just ideas to making good use of the situation you are put in for whatever reason!
Nikhat said,
October 14, 2009 @ 11:19 am
I agree with point #1. it does work. Everyday is a better day as we organise ourselves more. In response to an earlier comment made on this article …I didn’t see how the article was promoting latch key lifestyles. Motherhood is definately a full time career, that is why I love these pointers. Working moms or not, our ummah can benefit from pooling in ideas on excellence and how to get there.
almas said,
October 17, 2009 @ 5:10 am
Hey this is the subject which im trying to get over for past couple of weeks, maybe longer and now reading your article and comments dont feel left alone. my work is 8-4 and have 2 kids to juggle with all the daily chores, (ofcourse with a full time maid around). my day starts at 6am and stretches upto 11pm only.
BUT i want 2 quit long since i saw many mothers doing home schooling and spending their precious time with the kids. you can tell the difference in these kids
This is the time for us to mould them into what we want to see them as adults. and i totally agree that there is absolutely no excuse for this.
ive had many advises from my friends earlier against working moms but just didnt give in as had serious career plans but now as i see myself climbing up the ladder of sucess, my destination is so close but something holds me now .. to continue…RESPONSIBILTY- FULL RESPONSIBILTY towards my kids that cannot be shared with Maids or Grandparents.
Hoping and praying to Allah to help me soon to climb down this ladder without tumbling down and take the right steps towards my family. Inshaallah.
shazia said,
October 18, 2009 @ 11:14 pm
Asmk, I know in this society a lot of women are facing the same issue.its very lucky to be a home mom and take care of your kids.i feel so blessed that i am able to do this.it was not like this always, i had to work full time at our biz back then i had 1 child and my mother in-law was watching him. by the the time i would come home he was asleep. my hubby had a 2 jobs then so he couldn’t give him much time either.then we decided that we will wait for the right timing for our next one.
I waited 6 years to have another child. now i have 3 boys 10,4,3 two go to school and the 3 year old stays home with me. i am enjoying him so much cuz i missed that with my older one .we still have our biz but my husband quit his job and now dedicates his full time at biz so i can stay home i also give him lot of credit for doing that.my mother in -law still lives with me but now she’s just having fun with them. i am molding them to become a true muslim and true human inshallah.